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Q. I’m in deep thought and facing a dilemma. I live with my boyfriend, whom I’ve been with for some years now but I have certain doubts and issues with him. However, my ex- my first love, and I have always kept in touch through the years. He contact me via social media and text my phone quite often. He’s single, have several kids but seriously want to build a future with me. He still live in our hometown but I moved away and when I visit back home, he and his family wants me around 24/7. I will always have feelings for him due to our history and can see myself with him. I do not have children yet but would like to start a family in the very near future. Help me shed some light…what should I do?
A. There are many situations
like in the world, which it’s best to close one door before opening another,
but there are several factors to consider. First take a look at your current
relationship, weigh the pros and cons. How much love is there? Is the
relationship equally yoked? Whatever hurdles you and your partner are facing,
can it be rectified? Was he originally a rebound-with your ex or someone else? If
so, the feelings and foundation wasn’t authentic or solid from the start. In situations,
some settle or even marry the rebound person…it happens. Take inventory over
your relationship and give a fair assessment. You must truly be honest with
yourself and everyone involved.
As
for your ex…well he’s your ex for a reason but many old flames have rekindled
time and time again. By keeping open communication, you’re leaving the door open
with him. The jury is still out on if a person can be ‘friends’ with their ex,
especially if they’re involved in another relationship. Have you two rediscovered
something that wasn’t realized initially? Has he matured etc?
Once
you determine who and what makes ‘you’ happy, make
necessary steps to restart your relationship with a stronger foundation. Don’t
burn the candle at both ends- you’ll only end up getting burned. If you find
yourself thinking about your ex often and taking frequent trips back home on a
regular, you said you can see yourself with him; maybe there’s your answer.
I
wouldn’t say discount him because he has kids, well some would take the amount
into consideration but the main question is…does he take care of his kids? What
type of father/man is he? Any crazy baby mama drama you need to be aware of etc?
Does he treat you with respect and as a queen? Remember it’s not a sprint it’s
a marathon. Re-establish his future goals etc.
It
is never easy making a decision where you hurt someone you care about. Take a
step back, clear your mind, consider all aspects, be honest and pray about it
before making your decision. Have meaningful discussions with the two-
separately of course, it may make your decision more clear. When you align
everything right and in order, only then will things start to fall into place.
You may even be surprised if life switched to transition you on another path: a
path of growth and development of oneself. You may not have time for either
one. When thinking about starting a family one would only want the ‘best’
candidate for that role of husband, father, provider etc. You don’t want to
find yourself parting ways for the same reasons as you once did before. Good luck and hope it shed some sort of light on your dilemma and what to consider. Thanks for the email.
~UC xoxo Do you have any suggestions to add on for this reader? If so, share below.
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